Afraid of sleep

I’m afraid of sleep lately.
It is not that I’m afraid of darkness, as I was in the past. It is not that in afraid of nightmares, no, although I’m afraid of dreams.

See, when I lay in bed ready to fall sleep I imagine thins I would love to see happening, I had done that since I remember. Sometimes the story I tell myself keeps going in my dreams, sometimes It doesn’t.

But every time I imagine things I know CAN happen. Maybe not tomorrow or next month, but things that eventually can happen. Can become a reality if I decide to follow an specific path.

Is more like programming myself neurologically. More like watching in dreams or imagining the pros or
Cons of a future possible situation just IF I choose to….

Lately I don’t know how to start my sleeping process. See I not longer know what I want that can be imagined.

I can’t imagine my kids been teens anymore, not because I can’t see them physically as teens but intellectually.

I know they will go to that stage and I can pretty much imagine and see how my daughter will, might, be. But I can see my son.

I don’t know what to expect. Who he is going to grow to be, how…

We are working, him and all of us, to help him become the best of what he is meant to be. But with him I can’t even try to guess … I just don’t know how to

No anymore

This entry was posted in Autism, Kids, me time, Mommy time, Siblings, Therapy, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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