Dear Friend – again

Dear Friend, please don’t take it personal. Although it might be. My Ugly face, or sarcasm face wasn’t against you it was just to much you know.

I love your kid a lot. Not as much as I love my kids but I do love him. You know I know him since he was born and had watched his road with you are his side. That is why I know he is younger than my son. Months younger, several months younger.

So if I comment to you that my son’s preK has the goal to teach him to drink from an open cup do not reply as you did, please!. Do not say : ” Oh they must be crazy, my little one is just trying it, of Course yours still can’t!”

I know your kid is amazingly smart. I also know my kid has autism and is a little behind his peers but OF COURSE HE CAN!. It is just that I haven’t even tried as my whole apartment is carpet and My daughter is a energy bomb that will make him not to concentrate. I was in fact waiting for school to start so in the days he is alone with me we will have the silence and calm he needs to manage those type of task. But your “of course he can’t answer” wasn’t nice at all.

And that is just one of the reasons every time you say we should have a girls lunch out , just you and me, when kids are at school, has been send to the outer field every time. I love you, I like you, I consider you my friend and I will always be your friend. but I honestly don’t have the strength, or I do but I do not want to focus it on standing a lunch hearing what your kid can do and my kid can’t. As realistic as it might be in occasions I do not need you to tell me that. AT ALL. I already know his limits and mine.

So, please, stop. Stop pushing me to go and listen. I know, I’m a Mom, it was my only topic for years, what my kids did, what they had achieved, what they said. AS we are together 24/7 is the only thing I talked about. Now I don’t I have a life also and I read, and I’m an Engineer for Godsake I can speak about motors, robots, microscopic circuits, machines. I can chat about the books I read and love to read, I can chat about autism, about other ways to see the life I’m living, about how my kids , specially the youngest, had changed me and the way I see life. I can speak about several other multiple topics…. I understand you are stages behind me on this. I understand yours is your first kid and you can wait to share with me how awesome he is, and he is!, he is awesome, it is just I can’t stand the implicit comparison my brain will do, and yours is doing. Is a loose floor where we are walking on that topic, so. If you want to go to lunch with me.. we have to set a different topic. But it will be so difficult.

You know, we met because of our kids, my youngest and your first. That is, in fact, the only common thing we have. I’m and engineer, you are a lawyer, we come from different countries and backgrounds, we see the world pretty different. We walk such different pats, our household income is completely different, our economic issues are so far appart, our husbands are completely different characters, we have different interests. We eat complely different types of food. And that is exactly WHY we became such good friends! Because I love those difference, they open my world, they let me learn new things, new topics, new foods, new cultures. But sometimes they also get in the middle. As… if we want to have a conversation,it has to be about something we are both interested in, we are both a little knowledgeable on  to understand what the other one is saying, .. or it will be a lecture, a monologue… so I ask. Can we really go and have a lunch with out falling in talking about our kids and they achievements or lack of them? Can we chat for an hour with out falling in the path of criticizing someone we have known in common? ( other thing I hate to do), just because is the only thing in common we have?.

So Dear friend, how can we fix this?. How?. Right now I do my best. I smile. I say “Yaay” everytime your little amazing awesome guy that I love, achieves something. I smile at you, and try to do a little chit chat with the hubby, and then I don’t know what else to do but to tell you I love you and like you a lot. … and I know You feel the same way.

Oh Dear friend, this world is taking us a little apart, but I know in a future we will have a time to get together and talk about things we had done and have in common. Just not know.

 

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