Little daughter

My oldest got in my nerves today. OMG! How come someone have such a selective hearing?. I mean really?. It is not just the constant chitchat, or the constant why why why. As tired as I am of both things I love her curiosity. But.. the no listening. I can’t take it anymore.

I need her to grow a little faster. I’m so unfair right? Why should she grow a little faster and behave a little older just because Mommy needs it? My brain keeps telling me “because life sometimes it is no fair”  But my heart just do not want to  join that way of thinking.

It is just. My son won’t answer to his name if he gets lost, or if I lose track of him. He will wander around. No idea if he will do forever or it is just that he is 26 months and not talking. Sometimes he turns his face to me when I say his name, sometimes he doesn’t, So I can not risk to lose him in an outside place. She, well She does answer to her name and can scream like demon!. She has a great set of lungs and will probably scream and shout “MOOOOM” the second she notices she got lost. She will pay atention to hear if I’m calling her. She will remember she NEEDS to come back to me. She has less sense of direction than her little brother so she will probably walk to the wrong side, but she will KNOW she NEEDS to come back. Her brother No idea if he knows or has that feeling. And I won’t risk him to check on that.

She also understand commands so why the @#$. She is not following them?. Just because.

And it so exhausting. Lately when we have the chance to go somewhere I think about that thousand times and at the end 80% of the time chose to stay at home. Even in such a beautiful day like today. And then I feel bad we didn’t take advantage of this last summer gorgeous days. But I can confront a situation where she won’t listen and will run away, and while I’m looking for her I lose track of my son and her. I can not risk myself, I can not risk them to that!.

Darling please stop there. Wait for us, Darling please, don’t turn right yet, … and she does it. She keeps going, she turns right, she keeps walking upstairs, she keeps running to the shore, she keeps… going. And I end carrying the little one. Getting hurt while my knee screams pain and start getting swollen and I keep running behind her while the little one cries because he wants to walk, because he indeed WANTS to walk but of course to the left instead of right, downstairs instead of upstairs, to the parking lot not to the shore.

And I know this is not just me, this is the scenario for every mom with more than 1 kid, no matter the condition. Except that most 26 mo olds will respond to their name already… they are still small and affraid to be far from mom. They will still keep a little track of mommy.. or will try to reach the older sibling and mom will run to the same side,.. mom will just have to run to one target at the time…

I wanted to go to the beach today. Day turned so horrible. I had to close the door of my bedroom, while little one was sleeping, letting my darling daughter outside of my bedroom, crying. Wanting to come and shout at me that she wanted something. But for her own sake I had to close the door. It took half hour for me to calm down. I came out and she manage to make a gigantic mess, She even took some winter stuff out, no idea how, she got the pc wet. she drop all her brother’s juice around. I came back to my bedroom and lay in my bed. I slept through my bad mood. I woke up when little one woke up. Came out to a “picked up” living room” – messier than before but it was clear she tried to pick it up and clean- She is laying in the couch, sleeping.  No beach for us today. Again.

She tries. but she does manage to be the most horrible monsters sometimes and also achieves to find the worst of me. :(. Little daughter of mine, my only one and oldest. How much I love her but common, please start Listening. It is not fair but I really need your help. Mom.

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