What if?

Things have a reason, everything happens for a Reason but we never really know which one is the REAL reason. We might guess.. but never know.

I moved to this Country before having kids. We had planned to have 3 kids, one in 2007, one in 2009 and one in 2013. ( my favorite numbers). We did ave the first 2, I doubt I’ll have the third. My patience is running out already. ( all my admiration to bigger families, including my mother, I’m the 4th of 5).

But what would I have done in my own country in my current situation? Would I had realized the M-CHART, does any red flag would jump for my pediatrician as fast as It happened here?. Pediatricians in Mexico are as good as here, some even better and some worst as I’m sure there are excellent Doctors in the whole world and bad ones too. But the appointments, the obligatory “well” visits are not as often. The M-Chart I have no idea if it is something they do like a 18 month check up routine like they do here. I even don’t know if that one is done in all US, or only in the State I’m living.

What would have happened? Will he be inside the autism spectrum? For what I have read is a mix between Genetics and environment. But saying Yes to this.As I love the person he is and would miss him terrible if he wasn’t the same one.

Would I take the steps to help him or I would be lost?. Would my insurance cover the really really high prices the specialist charge? ( I’m not even sure my insurance will cover our situation here…). I know there are several specialist in autism in the city where my parents live. As we where there for a month a few weeks ago I did make my research just in case.  But I didn’t live there I used to live a little farther than that city so not sure if there are specialist there.

If I did had taken the steps in the case I was living there, Would I had the possibility of a gluten free diet?. I know we did eat a TON of sweet bread, made all of flours and whole weat. Every single Saturday we used to buy a big bag of sweet bread to eat during breakfast during the week. We also ate a ton of corn tortillas and some are gluten free some aren’t But in Mexico is impossible to know as you go to the place they make them and just bring a small towel to put them in as warm as they come out of the machine So..one would have to ask the employees and they will probably look back at one with a blank look of “what are you talking about?”.

There are people with Celiac there to, less than here, they use a lot of home remedies and herbs to equilibrate their diet as is really difficult to eliminate all the gluten from your diet in Mexico. It is possible but pretty difficult.

Plus to be honest I have a mother that never had a kid allergic to something. I had seen her give my nephew cheese when he is lactose intolerant. I told her she shouldn’t and she said : ” a little bit won’t arm him” It was impossible to make her understand it WOULD!. But she is right now set in her thoughts and probably won’t accept a comment from me on my nephew’s topic. She will with my kids because according to my brother she is a little afraid of me as I’m really strong in my will to do something and she does know that.

But what would have happened? I’m sure I will find the people that will tell me what they want to believe and think I want to hear: ” He is fine doctors are crazy”. But As much Denial as I’m in I know he needs help. I’m not going to blind myself and close those doors to him.

So I do appreciate all the hell that was moving here with just 2 bags and restart my life with out knowing I was moving to the country that will help my “future” ( back then) kids.  I do appreciate know Quitting to my then current routine of seen my whole family every weekend and working hard in a great job during the week. I do appreciate know letting my friends thousands of miles far away and see them only once per year at much. Or even one every 2 years. I now appreciate have lost every single friend wedding int he last 5 years. And not been able to go to one of the best people I knew funerals.

It is hard not having anyone here to help or just carry my poor husband with my stress and pain as he is the only one there to see me cry and hug me. It is hard not having anyone to leave the kids for 20 minutes to stop my frustration jogging like crazy around a block. But If all that, everything I quit to, everything we change in the past WILL help my son. I’m up to that and more. No matter I’m still in DENIAL. I’m UP for that and more.

SO be it. :). Let’s start this process as there are really no WHAT IF’s in life. Those are “lost pats” we might or might not f cross again in the future and I can be thinking abut them as they are in the past. There are not What If’s.

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