It hurts

I love my friends. And I love their babies. And I like to share time with them and have playdates. But it hurts. It is really painful to see how a kid “should” behave at certain age. And then watch my little silent boy.

It hurts. I celebrate with them their kids achivements. How they start using fork and spoon, how they said mom, dad or something else, how some are interested already in been potty trained. How some of them like to run and play with their siblings or/and friends.

How they manage to slide and run back to the stairs with out loosing track of the direction or wanting mom to be beside them.

How they cry if they loose their moms.

My boy doesn’t care about eating with fork or spoon and won’t let anybody help him. He just don’t care about saying any words. And If I act as I don;t understand what he wants he gets it or does it by himself no word in the middle.  He is so far of been potty trained and he just doesn’t mind if there is people around. He doesn’t have sense of direction in a playground but will find the exit of a store as fast as you can’t imagine if he doesn’t want to be there and he won’t care if I’m at his side when he walks away.

Today he was sleepy I ask him if he was sleepy and ask him to make the sleepy signal as the therapist ask me to do. He just walked away and less than a minute after that he was sleeping inside of my bed. Covertor and everything.

He was thirsty I asked him with the sign I was told to, he ignored me and climbed the table to reach his sister juice. He climbed the table!.

He serve himself a big piece of cake once, he opens the fridge and pulls veggies and fruit from the drawers.  He won’t ask for help. He Won’t at all.

He memorize music and sounds and know exactly what button to press on a piano if you press the same one in a different one. He does that. But he won’t speak. He won’t play with other kids and he won’t behave as a kid his age.

He is lovely and smart and unique and his smile is one of the most wonderful things I had seen. He laughs and answers with sounds to Dora the Explorer. He loves that damn show. He dances with music or follow the sound making noises and moving his fingers. But he won’t speak.

It’s damn hard sometimes to celebrate sometimes that a friend 18 month old can eat pretty well with fork and spoon and say “thank you mom” when my 21 month old just won’t speak or grab a fork nor a spoon. It hurts. It is so damn hard… so damn hard.


This entry was posted in Autism and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s