Thursdays

Thursday is the worst day of the week for me. Is not that is laundry day, or Ironing day – hate ironing  but I can handle it- It is not that is when the fridge is running out of food. No. Thursday is the day the therapist make me see I’m wrong and make me feel as the most Blind Mother in the world.

From Friday to Wednesday I watch my kids. I pay a lot of attention to what my little one accomplish and achieves and his behavior. I do, I pay extra attention to him. I have to accept I do not pay or used to pay that much attention to my older girl. I do pay a lot of attention on my little fellow.

And Every Wednesday I think. He is not autistic. I keep thinking he is just delayed. But then Thursday arrives. The therapy starts. And at the end the therapist tells me : ” You have to take a decision, we have to diagnose him as autist”. And she starts listing why.

Why is this so difficult?. I know if I take that decision he has the right to tons of help. TONS!. I’m not talking 1 therapist, I’m talking a lot of them, at the hours we decide the for 45 hours per week. for the same cost of this one therapy we are having. I’m talking, tools, toys, test, help help help and more help.

But I’m also talking LABEL. Yes LABEL. A Label as autistic Boy. A Label that will stay there for 7 years at least until his diagnostic can be denied. Or tested again.

A Label that will be thre for all his future teachers to treat him different. A label that will be there in his future years when he decides to be a Profesional in anything. A label that will stay, no matter they decide he is not autistic.And is My decision to make.

If I say NO, and he is, then I’m loosing the space they have to help him. That is why they throw all that amount of help over him immediately when you say yes. And if he is and Is my fault he looses all the help he could have had .. how Awful.

And if I say Yes. If I say YES…. and he is not. I will label his life wrongly. :(. And That is also Awful.

How the hell can I decide that?

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