The limbo

2 Days ago I receive 2 people at my home that came to analyze why my younger boy isn’t doing what any 19 month old should do. To be honest I wasn’t even worried. Because first they were initially sent because the little one wasn’t walking and he just started walking 5 days before they arrive and as if he had done it for months already.

Surprise surprise.

When they came they stay for almost 2 hours. It was a difficult task for them and me as my older girl like to have the attention of the whole world for her. And now the attention was to be given to the little brother that normally hates to have people paying attention to him.

So the evaluation finished and my little boy failed EVERY single test. He wasn’t behaving normally though but that is something they pros that came home knew in advance.

Now I’m in the limbo, beginning to learn what this means, what all this means. With the world said in High voice at the end.

” Apparently, your kid can have autism”

After those worlds thanks God the therapist stopped because I stop listening. – AUTISM?- my son? .. autism… autism… ..a……”oh” I said..

They still have to do a second and third test to confirm the diagnosis and then find out the type and spectrum he is in. … I was still ” autism……” lost.

“Does anyone at your family concentrates to the grade they do not listen?”  … well Yes. all of us. I come from a big family and me and my siblings we all do that. ALL so for me is kind of normal. Isn’t that normal? even my best friends have that quality of extreme concentration… isn’t it normal? I mean really?.  So it wasn’t weird for me to find my son concentrates that much.

He just loves music, music is all he likes and since he is 6 mo he can follow the sound of a song or symphony using the few vocables he know  or knew back then.  I found that amazing.  Doesn’t you? ANY song. No matter how different he memorize.. classic, rock, alternative, pop.. any. If he likes it he memorize and find him later singing it while siting in his crib. or “eating” or watching the pages of a colorful book.

And now I find out “autism” no idea the spectrum.

Right now I’m in the limbo, in the limbo because Still don’t know if he has autism or not, what spectrum he is in, what whould I do, how can I help, where should I draw the line of been worried for him, how to act now, where to look, how much to read. I think I had read a ton of info and Now I do not know how to process it. but still can make myself write in an autism forum because I still don’t have a certain diagnosis.

So I’m in the limbo..waiting. Just waiting. For a control Freak in recovery that is kind of hard. And when is about my kids I just want to have all the info all the tools all the answers but now I’m …in the limbo. I feel lost…totally and completly LOST.

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